Sick of Goodbyes
I heard the news as soon as I woke up…Sparklehorse, a band i’ve listened to for a decade is no more because Mark Linkous died. I only saw him four times live but each time was really special for me. Linkous was funny…he always brought a fan to blow his hair all around when he played. I found myself imagining him with the wind fan all the time…eating breakfast with a fan, reading novels with a fan, going deap sea diving with a fan. I’m not laughing at Mark-far from it. It just makes me sadder to think about all of that now.
I never met Linkous officially…but he seemed like the sort of understated rock star that would be impossible to forget for anyone who did know him even for a moment.
It’s funny with aging. I remember when I was a teenager and Kurt Cobain passed away and how shook up I was about it. I got into Jeff Buckley right before he drowned. I had been listening to Elliot Smith for awhile but I had never seen him live and didn’t have any pictures.
It’s a strange way to experience a life now gone through potographs. I don’t have too much experience with it but this year both Linkous and Jay Reatard have left me feeling so odd inside. I wouldn’t want to not have the photos, as in the case of Elliot Smith or Jeff Buckley, but at the same time they also make me really sad, particularly for Linkous. And yet, the first thing I did when I found out was look through old photos to try to gain sense of it. I didn’t see any glimpses of foreshadowing in my photos of any of the three shows I took photos at. He seemed full of modesty with a head of rock star hair.
I wasn’t sure if I should edit a photo of Linkous while I sat here this morning feeling sad and listening to Sparklehorse songs. Part of me fears it’s in really bad taste so soon after death. At the same time, I know a few of you in real life. I remember when we went to these concerts together. I know you’re feeling what I’m feeling what I am. Is it a wonderful life, Linkous, now that you’re gone? I’m really not so sure.
photos from Lolla 2008
photos Double Door 2007
“I know how to do the play now. It will all take place over the course of one day. And that day will be the day before you died. That day was the happiest day of my life. Then I’ll be able to live it forever. See you soon. ”
-Caden Cotard in Synecdoche
When you left the world , Mark, the entire collective conscious of it was altered irrevocably.